Stop telling your children these words. One of the hardest thing as a parent is how to talk to your children. Sometimes, we get so furious we couldn’t stop our mouths from uttering words that we might not take seriously but actually psychologically wounds our children in the long run. Words are so hard to take back and it’s aggravating to feel the pain of regret once those harmful words take a toll on our children.
So be in control. This is a skill you can master over time. Don’t let emotions destroy your relationship with your child. When you’re upset or disappointed or mad at your child, take a deep breath, exhale and refocus. Don’t open your mouth right away you might just spill out unnecessary words.
Be mindful of these harmful things you should STOP telling your children:
“You cannot do this”
Never ever demoralize your child by telling him he is not capable of doing certain things. Saying these words is like slapping them down and cutting them off from what may have sparked their interest and passion. Parents should understand that their child is in the learning phase of his life. Don’t be the one to tell them that they are not capable of something. They are faced with various learning processes day by day. Tell them it’s okay to fail at times, that what’s more important is they learn and they strive to be better each day. You never have any idea what the child is capable of achieving in the future so don’t conclude it too quickly. If you do that, you are just cutting them off from amazing opportunities in the future.
“You are stupid”
If you want to teach your children life skills, never give them the idea that they are stupid or bluntly saying these words to them. Don’t tell them they are unintelligent and incapable of thinking for themselves. Help them build their trust in you because your relationship matters. It will lead the way for decision-making abilities and capabilities. You can both work through new ideas effectively without having to compromise your communication and bond.
REMEMBER: Your main purpose as a parent is to guide them to the right path that will lead them to the best life you can envision for them.
“I hate you”
We all lose our tempers sometimes and go over the belt, but using “hate” words is something you have to avoid as a parent. Telling your child you hate him crushes his sense of individuality, and is very threatening for a child and damaging for a teenage or adult child. If you say “I hate you” to your child, he or she internalizes it and believes it instantly. That could be very psychologically detrimental as having the feeling of rejection from the parent/s taps into a primal fear that all humans have – that is being abandoned.
Tip: If you are so enraged and you think you might be taken out of control from the situation, JUST LEAVE THE ROOM or WALKOUT. That prevents you from saying hurtful words to your child and it will let you calm down as well.
“Be like your sister/brother”
If you’ve had siblings, you probably know exactly how it feels like to be compared to your brother or sister. It can hurt all the way around. If you’re compared and come out on top, you feel guilty and ashamed for being more intelligent, talented, etc. If you are being compared unfavorably, you feel less and inferior – and that subjects to the feeling of anger, resent, and frustration. Every child is different. Don’t compare them as a way to elicit the behavior you want. That creates conflict and tension and often pits your children against each other. Avoid doing this.
“You’re just like your father.”
Even though it sounds fairly harmless, this one-two punch knocks down your child and his dad or mom. When Dad is frequently criticized in the home, for example, it’s not a compliment to your child to be compared to his father. And every time his dad is put down in the future, your child will receive two more punches.
It’s uncomfortable for kids to hear their parents saying negative things about each other, and if a child has been labeled as being “just like his dad,” he will feel anger and shame when Dad is criticized. If it’s an ex-spouse your child is being compared to, he may also feel that this is a threatening statement. In other words, if he’s just like his father and his parents are divorced, where does that leave him?
“I’m through with you!”
We’ve all been burned out, but this phrase could make children feel isolated. “I’m through with you,” is an angry threat often said with the desire to hurt the other person. In the long term, continuing to say these words to your child will hurt your relationship.
Think of it this way:
A child depends on his parents most of his/her childhood and childhood is a very sensitive phase in an individual’s life. Parents are the ones who provide protection, food, clothing, shelter and other needs. So if the person who is in charge of nurturing the child makes a statement saying, those phrases mentioned above, it could be very disheartening, frightening and can be wounding. Stop telling your children those words or anything relative to those and see how your relationship improves with each passing time.
